Holiday Anecdotes, My Memory, and Google Searches
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Actors need holidays like the internet needs more porn.
2. Texting Ella over Christmas break.
3. I suppose there are some people who believe him. The same way there are people who believe Fox News or that the earth is flat. Some people will believe any fucking thing.
4. Guest Post of the Week
5. Working on my second remount in a row, Mustard at the Tarragon. This first was Butcher back in March or so. Just an observation and something I have noted about the nature of memory: every single time I have been “positive” that I did something in the original run and we check the archival footage to confirm, and I have been 100 percent wrong. EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. I’m not sure what to attribute that to. But I hope to god I am never a witness in a murder trial. If I can’t remember something I did eight times a week for five to eight weeks in a row, how the fuck could I ever confidently say that I remember something I saw once that I wasn’t even making a point of remembering?
6.
7. My mom was all cheery and Christmassy for about two hours and then she started swearing as she cleaned up the gift wrapping.
Me- Stop swearing. It’s Christmas.
Mom- Oh, shut up. I was good this year.
Me- Good. But not the best.
Mom- If you want the best, go find another mother.
8. Tragedy struck on Roncesvalles this week when Hrant Alianak was apparently eaten by the sidewalk.
9. Grocery shopping with Ella this past weekend and I picked up a bag of Jalapeño Crunchits because they are her absolute favourite snack.
Ella- Put them back.
Me- What?
Ella- I am off of them.
Me- But they’re your favorite.
Ella- Dad. I’m serious. I am not about that life anymore.
This kid is starting to scare the shit out of me.
10. Gotta love a Canadian comedy icon with a sense of humour about himself.
11. Travis Seetoo who plays Jay in the Mustard remount helps with costume changes, props, running lights, and set stuff when he is not on stage. After the dress rehearsal someone asked him who the assistant stage manager on the show was. He replied, “I’m pretty sure I am.”
12. This is actually real. Blew my fucking mind.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
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Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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