Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
Nappoholics Anonymous is a column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it’s this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
2. Fuck Yeah of the Week
3. Investigation of the Week
4. Thank you for all of the birthday wishes recently. It was really kind of you all — especially those of you who answered my open call for erotic self-tapes. Unfortunately, though, I decided to go another way and jerk off to a semi-known American actor.
5. Mindblower of the Week
6. I am told that this piece of equipment, which is called The Russian Arm, is now being referred to on sets as a U-Crane. I don’t know if this is a fact or how universal it is, but it sure is clever and fucking cool.
7. Review of the Week
8. I was watching the last episode of Euphoria and I thought, “I guess if your father is Judd Apatow, you can get whatever fucking budget you want for a one night run of a high school play.”
9. Olympic Post of the Week
10. Pie Chart of the Week
11. Theatre Rescue of the Week
12. Gratitude Exercise of the Week
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Squid Game, Pre-Madonnas, and CBC Porn
I got my hands on the first few episodes of the Sex and the City reboot, and was quite enjoying it before I realized I had opened the wrong file and was actually watching Golden Girls reruns.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Squid Game, Pre-Madonnas, and CBC Porn
I got my hands on the first few episodes of the Sex and the City reboot, and was quite enjoying it before I realized I had opened the wrong file and was actually watching Golden Girls reruns.
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