Objectives, Jokers, and Escape Room Courting
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1.Top 5 Things I Remembered to be Thankful for This Weekend:
5. Monster Energy Drinks
4. Not Going to the Gym
3. Cigarettes
2. Sativa Edibles
1. Canadian Healthcare
2. Tweet of the Week
3. The weather is changing and people are bound to start getting colds. I know the very second I start to feel unwell, I take some Cold Fx and it helps me. Every time. Without fail. Once I am sick, Cold Fx does fuck all, but if I can catch it in that tiny window just beforehand, it never fails me. I was seeing a woman a very, very long time ago who swore by oregano oil and ginger shots—which I have heard many people swear by. To be honest, I’m not sure which is better in terms of stopping you from getting sick. But I know for sure that one of them won’t stop you from sleeping with other people.
4. I can’t fucking stand when the Uber app tells me that my driver is two minutes away but the car on the map I am staring at doesn’t move for five minutes. Part of the appeal of Uber is that you barely ever have to wait for it. If you aren’t ready to drive, just turn off your fucking thing that says you are. It’s like having a lover who engages with you in foreplay but tells you that they just need to see the last five minutes of the TV show before they can take it to the other room.
5.
You don’t have to look too far past this bus photo ad featuring Russell Oliver—who has been doing his own adds now since 1995—to figure out the key to having a long and successful career in the film and TV industry. The answer is obviously and clearly: range. The guy has a simply unbelievable fucking range.
6. Courting Tip of the Week
7. Objectives and tactics are things actors should understand. If you can’t get a thing one way, you try another way until you do get it. You pursue your objective and keep on pursuing it until you achieve it.
All the climate change marches and videos and speeches by children and so on and so forth will be for shit if Scheer wins. Keep that in mind when you vote on the 21st. Vote to keep him out. Especially if the party you HOPE for and WANT don’t have a shot at winning at all.
8. Wifi Name of the Week
9. I—like most people who work in or have studied theatre—watch it completely differently than the general population of folks who don’t. I can enjoy the acting but not the writing, or vice versa. I can appreciate the design but not the direction, or vice versa. Or any pro/con combination of any of the above four elements. You get the idea. I don’t just “like” or “not like” a show: I can dissect a script and all of the elements of a production, and tell you exactly what I did or didn’t like about it, and why I think it works or doesn’t in very excessive detail. All this to say: after watching Kat Sandler’s YAGA last week, I spoke to two older women right after the show who loved it and said to them, “Yeah, it was cool. Kind of like watching a movie on stage at some points.” They had absolutely no idea what I was talking about, and it occurred to me that there would really be no reason for them TO know what I meant by that comment. For the most part, my own mind only really works like this when I am watching theatre or film or TV. I couldn’t give a fuck how a clock works as long as it tells me the right time.
10. 
Liz Ramos Anderson is a pretty amazing woman. I knew she was an incredibly successful voice artist and casting director; I had no idea that she was an amazing visual artist and jewelry designer as well. Her work is primarily abstract such as the piece I have chosen to feature, The Tempest. I chose it, not just for its obviously theatre-connected title, but for the emotional reaction I had to it. It looks to me, the way that I have always pictured hell might look if it actually existed. I can not only feel, but also see the movement in it. I see people and demons, hybrids, and even Satan himself with the head of a bull, depending on when and where I glance at it. I hear dark orchestral music. I don’t really think the title refers to the play at all but that feeling or mood—another kind of hell—that lives within all of us, at times; an unsettledness, a sense of turmoil; that feeling when one is torn between two directions, the “wrong” one often being the more desired of the two. I see the visual depiction here of any internal struggle represented by the blues and the reds battling for dominance of this canvas. It’s both fucking epic and incredibly personal at the same time. You can see more of her work at lizramosanderson.com
11. Guest Post of the Week:
12. Joker Recipe:
Take 2 heaping cups of Travis Bickle
Add 1/2 cup of Rubert Pupkin
Add 1/2 cup of John Wayne Gacy
Sprinkle generously with compulsive giggles and guffaws
Stir in 1 awesome Sinatra song
Sift out as many light sources as possible.
Serve at society’s present temperature.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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