TIFF Parties, Simulated Sex, and a Racism Quiz
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Fab Filippo gets credit for this one—as told to me by John Cassini—”TIFF is here. Which means only one thing—two weeks of holding in your stomach at all the parties.”
2. Here’s a simple quiz to find out if you are a racist.
Question 1. Have you set a pair of running shoes on fire lately?
End of Quiz.
3. You can’t shame a guy for working a Joe Job to provide for his family. I still paint houses all the time and I’m one of the busiest actors I know. If you’re gonna shame anyone involved in the Cosby show, I think we can all agree that there is only one piece of shit who actually deserves it. Focus, motherfuckers!
4. I am playing a part on an amazing new show that I am not allowed to tell you anything about BUT at the audition, they asked if I was comfortable with simulated sex. I said, to be honest, at my age, I prefer it to actual sex.
5. Top 5 Unused Canadian Ramen Restaurant Names (So Far)
5. Ramen Shuster
4. You Ain’t Seen Ramen Yet
3. Ramen Back To Saskatoon
2. Rameno Dallaire
1. Long time Ramen
6. If I told you that two out of the three researchers here were women, you wouldn’t believe me, would you? Unless, of course, you happen to BE a woman.
7. Guest Post of the Week
8. I think it’s odd that COP spelled backwards is POC. Or maybe it’s perfect. I don’t know.
9. I have no caption or punchline here. Out of respect for Amy, Norah, Patricia, and this project, I just wanted you all to see that this happened.
10. My daughter Ella who is now 13 years old and I-
Me- It feels like since you turned 13, I’m nothin’ but a bank machine and an Uber ride to you now.
Ella- So? At least those are both cool things.
11. I would say God Bless You, Colin Mochrie. But with all that fucking talent, a beautiful family, and an unassailable dignity at your core, what else could you possibly need?
12. I wrote this on August 25. Many people responded to it so I am signing off with it this week. Maybe it helps some of you with what you are going through.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
LEARN MORE
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Comments