Auditions, The Beatles, and Chinatown

Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.

1. When people who have never done an audition ask me what it’s like, I tell them that it’s kind of like giving oral sex to someone who you don’t necessarily want to give oral sex to and who doesn’t necessarily want you to give it to them.

2. If Trudeau is gonna let Ford get away with this shit because it may hurt his chance to be re-elected, he shouldn’t be re-elected. He is already in the office. It’s his job to lead the country NOW and keep tantrum throwing brats like Ford in line. Some days I think, as a Prime Minister, the only thing that Justin Trudeau has in common with his father’s balls is that he came out of them.

3. Strangers I Mouthed Off To This Summer (Part 1)

4. Just once, in Chinatown, I’d like to hear a Chinese person respond to some racist asshole who thinks they are hilarious speaking in a bad Chinese accent by saying, “Why don’t you go back to your own fucking town?”

5. Top 5 Beatles Songs in Light of This News:

5. We Can Whack It Out

4. The Long and Winding Load

3. All You Need Is Gloves

2. You’re Squeezin Wood

1. You’ve Really Got A Hold on Me

6. I’m thinking of starting a Kickstarter campaign to buy this guy a fucking shirt.

7. Public Service Announcement- if you can’t fucking drive a car in the same lane that has cyclists in it, don’t fucking get into a lane that has cyclists in it.

8. Strangers I Mouthed Off To This Summer (Part 2)

9. I’ve been taking this new Scrotal Origami workshop but everything I have tried to make so far just looks like chewing gum spit out on a subway platform.

10. My secondary complaint is actually much worse than my primary one.

11. Because it’s only week two after my summer hiatus and there should be one fucking reference to theatre in the column somewhere. 

12. Whenever I challenge a Ford supporter or a Trump supporter online, I give them the reasons that I believe that those two are dangerous men who couldn’t give less of a shit about the well-being of their own supporters, unless they are extremely wealthy, and who are also hurting their respective countries with virtually every decision that they make. Their supporters’ initial response is, almost without fail, “at least they are better than…(either Wynne or Obama, you get it).” 

When I ask why it is that they believe this, they have no answer. Not ever. And I began to see a pattern emerge. It slowly dawned on me that the truth is that they don’t actually have a clue what these men are doing. They only know what these men tell them that they are doing and their supporters accept it as gospel, no matter how many news sources in how many countries tell them differently. Why? Because, in the end, a very large number of their supporters don’t actually give a shit what these men do. 

What they like about these leaders is what they represent: the ability to Fuck up all of the people they don’t like. 

The next two exchanges usually involve me dismissing them as fucking idiots and always, without fail, they claim that I am either too sensitive or they are sorry that they have hurt my feelings and that my heartbreak is on me because they have an absolute right to have a different opinion (even if they can’t offer a single fucking reason that makes any logical sense to anyone but themselves). Then, they usually either call me a “libtard” or “snowflake”. I find both terms much less offensive and dismissive than “a fucking idiot” so I feel good about myself for still being in the lead on my own scorecard.

Once I have ramped up the exchange with my aggression, they usually change the subject with some variation of “Ha ha. We won and you lost, you sore loser. Deal with it…I thought you liberals were supposed to be tolerant.” And finally, they throw in some stupid shit that illustrates how little a grasp they have on the concepts of communism or socialism while simultaneously celebrating these wannabe dictators who appear to believe that they (1) are above the rule of law (2) are above having to tell the actual truth instead of making shit up and (3) needn’t respect the rights AT ALL that we, as the citizenry of these countries, were promised by their founders.

What baffles the shit out of me is where the fuck did they get the idea that liberals are tolerant? We don’t tolerate other people’s right to their faith, whatever that may be. We don’t tolerate the First Nations people demanding reparations and fighting to protect the very land we stole from them. We don’t tolerate LGBT people for simply being who they were born as and expecting to receive the same rights and privileges as everyone else does. We don’t tolerate the elderly or the less fortunate needing assistance from government programs regardless of where they were from originally. We don’t tolerate women wanting equal pay for the same job as a man or the right to choose what happens to  their own bodies. We don’t tolerate the simple fucking truth that Black Lives do, in fact, Matter. And we certainly don’t tolerate people wanting to leave other countries, where surviving from day to day is their entire life’s focus, to live here in relative peace because every fucking one of us who isn’t First Nations is a descendant of someone somewhere who did the exact same fucking thing.

We don’t tolerate all these things. We insist on them. 

We accept and celebrate ALL people for who they are and want them to be taken care of, if they are in need, by OUR government in OUR country because we are ALL FUCKING CANADIANS AND THAT IS WHAT CANADIANS DO. And if you don’t support everyone’s right to simply BE who they ARE and live in the same country that you do, you’re an asshole. And why the fuck would anyone tolerate an asshole? If you want to live your life based on on your marginal understanding of “old fashioned Christian family values”, go ahead and do that. You have absolutely every right to live your life any way you want.

That is your right. You are entitled to do that. But what you are NOT entitled to do is force it on anyone else. Live your own fucking life and let other people live theirs. I can’t understand why the political Right seems to take such delight in their leaders hurting people for simply being different than they are. The other thing these supporters don’t seem too realize is that when the rights of the targets of their hate are taken away, SO ARE THEIRS. This is just one reason that makes it literally impossible for me to understand anyone supporting, much less celebrating, the actions of these  men and their parties for leading that charge.

And for Fuck sake, if you are going to call yourself a Christian, behave the way that Christ himself would have, not the way these bullshit evangelical assholes do who hurt people in the name of Jesus. Jesus, as I understand him would be ashamed to have his name associated with the actions of these people because Jesus’ message was a fairly clear and simple one—to love everyone equally.

And Jesus was a black man, motherfuckers. That’s a fact.

Written By

Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.