Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. The sign on the streetcar said, “treat your TTC worker the way that you’d like to be treated,” so I signed him to a five year option with top billing for $50,000 an episode.
2. I’ve been kicking myself all week for one of last week’s Top 5 Beatles masturbating songs. In the number 2 spot, I wrote You’re Squeezin’ Wood but I completely missed the opportunity to hit a double with You’re Squeezing Wood (This Bird Has Grown).
3. Walk the walk.
4. When people ask me what Ford Nation is, I tell them it’s basically exactly the same as Leafs Nation without the losing when it matters most.
5. Something to save and share when necessary.
6. Talking to a fellow actor last week:
Actor- I guess Nardi has finally gotten off his high horse now that he’s doing all of D’Angelo’s films.
Me- That wasn’t a high horse. It was a pony. It just looked like a high horse because Tony was the one sitting on it.
7. Guest Post of the Year
8. Here’s something that happens at auditions all the time—you fuck a line up. I don’t mean get the wrong words, I mean you just lose it. You have no idea what the next line is. So you shake it off, try it again and fuck it up again. For some reason you didn’t build a strong enough bridge to get you from one thought/action to the next. In most cases, the audition is over for me at this point. I’m not gonna book it. Booking usually requires focus and confidence. Ideally you make it look like there is no effort or acting required. After two fumbles, whether I am projecting it or not, I sense the energy in the room shift to them wanting to rescue me (“Do you want to hold the sides in your hand? Do you need a minute to go out and come back in?”).
NO!!! I don’t want a minute. I WANT a bomb to hit the building. Obviously not a big enough bomb hurt anyone. But big enough to traumatize the last five minutes out of the memory of anyone who witnessed me shit the bed. But instead I’ll settle for just getting through the fucking thing once without fucking it up because (a) I want to show the casting people that I have, in fact, done the work—that I didn’t arrive unprepared, that I am not wasting their time on purpose—but more importantly (b) I don’t want that shit hanging over me the next time I go into an audition room.
Once I leave the scene of the acting crime, I don’t even try to analyze what went wrong. I try my best to immediately forget that it happened. It happened, for whatever reason, so fuck it. I do my best to let it go. It’s best not to overthink shit like that because whether you figure it out or not, you risk building up some kind of anxiety or fear of doing it again. The less you can think about anything during any audition, outside of your objectives, the better. So I won’t book this job. Big fuckin’ deal. I don’t book most of the jobs I audition for. You kinda get used to it.
9. If I were Ins Choi, every time someone used the word insurrection, I would giggle a little.
Because they’d be talking about my erection.
10. It’s ironic that I’ve never met a focus puller on a film set who unnecessarily drew attention to themselves.
11. Guest Post of the Week
12. Bravo to David Christo who has hit on a stroke of subliminal genius with his new headshot. It is better to be sympathy cast than not cast at all.