Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I have a recurring fantasy that when there’s a garbage truck behind me I just put the car in neutral, put my hazard lights on, and force them to either wait or figure out a way around me.
I’m one of the few people whose actual life is more exciting than their fantasy life.
2. This guy actually makes me miss his brother.
3. Making a Murderer’s second season is even more frustrating than the first. It’s kinda like watching the Leafs in the playoffs, except they’re dressed up as The Trailer Park Boys.
4. This woman, Ann without an E (or “Ann spelled the right way”) Soleski has retired, which I didn’t know, but came back to help out at the desk at Actra Fraternal while the next person is trained. I have always found her to be super helpful and in a good mood over the dozens of visits I have made to the office. She will be at the desk for the remainder of November if you feel like stopping by to say hello or wish her a happy retirement.
5. Top 5 Lame Dad Old School Rapper Halloween costumes
5. DJ Flabby Jeff
4. LL Tool J
3. Nice Cube
2. Walk Briskly DMC
1. N.W.A. (the W stands for without)
6. I don’t want to say that Scott Yaphe is a shitty husband to Jessica Holmes and that she deserves way better BUT thanks to this photo I took on Sunday, I don’t have to.
7. I find most people who do yoga are such fuckin’ posers.
8. Classic Me
9. I had two auditions last week on the same day. One was a for a biker (shooting in Newfoundland) and one was for a trucker (shooting in Budapest). I would really love to do either job, if not both, and go to Newfoundland and Budapest, so I decided to shave myself into my lucky moustache. It’s the Wendel Clark, the porn stache, the Hulk Hogan, whatever the hell you call it. The reason it is my lucky stache is that I booked a film years ago called Four Brothers—one of the most widely seen films I have ever done—without ever auditioning for it. I booked it off of my demo reel.
The reel, at the time, opened with a scene between myself and Louis Di Bianco, from a film called Who Is Cletis Tout? In this film, Louis and I played moron hitmen named Nimble And Fife. I don’t even know which name was mine. When I walked into my wardrobe call for Four Brothers I met John Singleton for the first time. He was very warm and friendly and gave me a big hug and said, “Grow back that moustache from your demo reel, man. That’s the main reason I hired you. I love that fuckin moustache.”
So now, every once in a while, when I feel like I’m going in for a part that any one of my peers could probably do just as well as I could—a part that will really rely, ultimately, more on a look than a performance—I carve out the lucky stache and give it a shot. It gives me that little bit of confidence that I might have an edge. It probably doesn’t. It probably won’t make a difference one way or the other, but it helps me feel confident and (as I have said many many times here) confidence is the whole game when it comes to auditioning.
I used to have a lucky vintage mob shirt, as well, but I lost it. I would like to respectfully dedicate this week’s column to that shirt, wherever it may be.
10. Nancy Griffin sent me this one.
11. A ninety-seven year old Holocaust survivor is murdered in a house of worship.
And a bunch of fucking assholes somewhere are still trying to spin some distance between the Republican Party and the Nazis.
12. Guest Post of the Week