Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I’m so glad this is finally out. I’ve been sending Clement extortion money for years to NOT send me explicit photos and videos.
2. Top 5 Names for this Bar Band
5. Screwy Lewis and the Fake News
4. Tears for Beers
3. Dink Floyd
2. The Cheatles
1. The ALLwhiteMAN Brothers Band
3. You Know You’re Doomed as a Father When….
We went to get some makeup remover pad things at Shoppers and my almost 14 year old daughter, Ella, starts grabbing this and that in the makeup department.
Me- Hey. Hold on. How much does that shit cost?
Ella- I don’t know. What’s your cutoff?
4. Guest Request of the Week
5. Guest Post of the Week
6. I have never understood the concept behind making a chicken sandwich, or any fucking sandwich (I’m talking to you, Tim Hortons) with waffles instead of bread. But last week, when I went to get a veal sandwich on Queen Street and found my veal place had been replaced with a chicken and waffle place, I thought I might as well try one. And I have to say, I STILL have no fucking idea why anyone would use waffles instead of bread to make a sandwich.
7. Instead of growing a moustache for Movember, it would be great the Liberal Party of Canada grew a set of balls.
8. This guy tried to friend me but we have a conflict of interest, as I also help artists who feel like they are not good enough. Except I tell them maybe they should just stop wasting their lives, and find something they do feel that they are good enough at to do. They’re all shining brighter than this guy’s head now.
9. I have a terrible demo reel. You can see it on my IMDb page.
Here is why my demo is terrible. The perfect demo reel is under five minutes long and made up of a bunch of thirty to forty-five second clips that show you in a variety of roles: period pieces, contemporary pieces, different haircuts or wigs, different facial hair looks for men (clean-shaven, bearded, moustache), comedic roles, dramatic roles, and so on. The idea is to show range of skill and different looks in as short a time as possible. The reason for that is because the people who are ultimately going to be looking at it are probably looking for something very specific. And they probably have to look at more than one demo reel and they have a very expensive catered lunches to get to. They have already seen your audition, in most cases, and are close to casting you and it’s probably between you and one or two other actors. I’ve heard it said many times that you are lucky if they watch past the first minute or two. If they don’t see what they are looking for by then, you’re probably not going to get it. Also it is usually helpful if you have some scenes with big Hollywood or international stars on the reel.
My demo is 20 minutes long and has only Canadian actors on it. That was a specific choice. I have a good variety of scenes, work and looks but I chose to feature my work over my ability to stand beside famous people, do accents or show the work of the many talented hair, makeup and wardrobe artists I have worked with or my ability to shave myself (which I truly excel at, at this point). I’m an actor. If I put a scene on my reel, it’s because I’m proud of the work in the scene (not just thirty seconds of it). I think when you watch the scenes back to back, it shows a pretty fucking impressive range of work without trying to elevate it by including scenes with celebrities—whether they are brilliant actors or not. But you can watch it and disagree if you want to.
The thing is, these things cost money to make and hardly anybody ever looks at them so I figured fuck it. I’m gonna make a demo reel that I love. It’s my greatest hits album from any given period because when I make the next one, I am usually going to try to use all new material. Who gives a fuck that I made movies with Wesley Snipes or Sam Jackson or Dennis Hopper twenty years ago? This is the work I am doing NOW. Work that I just finished and represents the best work, in my opinion, I have done after 30 years. I don’t want to reduce it to fucking beards and formal attire. As a result I will, and possibly have, lost some jobs along the way. But I lost them on my terms. I’m a stubborn asshole that way. But I’m the same way at an audition. I don’t mind losing a role based on my choices but I won’t lose it based on some bad direction that’s offered in the room.
I don’t recommend any of this to anyone if they are actually looking to be hired. In fact, you should probably do the opposite of everything I just wrote here—and, in general. But I do what I do because I’m a dick like that and it helps me sleep at night. I mean I’m fifty fucking years old. I’ve been doing this shit for thirty years. If I am still trying to make other people happy with what I am doing, I should be doing something else. I’m the one who has to be happy with what I’m doing now. And if people hire me, they hire me. If they don’t, they don’t. But whatever is won or lost, at this point will be won or lost by me on my terms. And I’m fucking good with that.
10. Man, I got to get me a better mentor!
11. That one time nine years ago when I felt smart.
12. I sincerely hope all of the conservative voters that took a moment to honour our fallen veterans on Remembrance Day, also took a moment to reflect on the governments and organizations who are working to take rights and freedoms away from specific segments of our society. Not only does it mean that their rights can and will be taken away, whenever the government feels like doing that, but it means that all the men and women who bravely fought and died for those rights and freedoms will have fought and died for nothing when that day comes.