Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. If you’re one of the men who are offended by that Gillette ad, you’re not just a part of the problem, you are THE problem. And you probably wax and are growing a douchebag beard, anyway- so what does Gillette care? At least women might actually use THEIR razors.
2. Classic Fuck Up
3. The part I auditioned for last week was so small that I learned my lines for it while I was slating.
4. I wasn’t aware of Mary Oliver until she passed. A good friend introduced me to her work. So if you weren’t aware of her either, I’m taking this opportunity to introduce her to you. RIP.
5. We recently discovered that my daughter, Ella, may have an irregular heartbeat or a flutter.
My mom’s reaction- Don’t be dumb. She’s a Nappo. We don’t have hearts.
6. If anyone should be wearing those Make America Great Again hats in this photo, I’d say it probably shouldn’t be the gang of smug, entitled, rich, ignorant, classless assholes whose ancestors stole a country by mass murdering the ancestors of the very people they are mocking (in the Nation’s capital).
7. If you have watched that Saskatchewan town hall meeting, where Trudeau tells that man that in fact we don’t have “open” borders, that Canada was a country built on immigration, and that every single person in this country—except for First Nations people—ARE immigrants or descendants of immigrants, and you disagree with that statement, you’re a misinformed asshole.
But the answer I would have given to that man, who asked why Trudeau is letting in Muslims who want to kill us all, would have sounded more like: “READ A FUCKING NEWSPAPER, MAN! WHERE DO YOU SEE ANY MUSLIMS IN CANADA KILLING ANYFUCKINGBODY!?”
Which is either the reason why I will or will not, one day, eventually be elected Prime Minister of Canada.
8. Because apparently it’s never too early to start mind-fucking Catholic children.
9. Apparently these things were not meant to be used to strain single servings of pasta when you aren’t using them for hockey . . . I thought I was showing some incredible ingenuity.
10. Guest Post of the Week (Can you believe the balls on this guy?)
11. It annoys the shit out of me when I am picking up food for take out and paying with Interac and it asks for a tip. I’m the one doing all the fucking legwork. They should be tipping me!
12. It’s been a while since I featured any visual art. Many of you know the actor and political voice that is Jennifer Wigmore, but perhaps you aren’t aware of what an incredible painter she is. Here is a portrait she did of Canadian icon Gordon Pinsent, entitled If I Ever I Saw Your Face, which hangs in his home. I know because I broke in once and tried to steal it . . . stupid security system.