Oscar Predictions, Dog Trainers, and Franco Boni

Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.

1. As always, my Oscar predictions were spot on. Felix really annoyed him during the poker game and cost him “the big hand”.

2.Guest Post of the Week

3. I tried to watch the first few episodes of Russian Doll but was distracted by myself constantly yelling at the TV, “It’s Groundhog Day! You’re being Groundhog Day-ed!!! How the fuck could you not have seen Groundhog Day???”

4. I know that I am a very good actor. A very, very, fucking good one. But I have always suspected that I might be a great teacher. I have also thought for years that it’s a thing I will start doing in my fifties. I’m going to do some on camera teaching at Randolph in May and June and I am going to be teaching an on camera audition intensive on Saturday March 23 and Saturday March 30 that is open to the public.

The class size will be limited to twelve. If you are interested in participating, here is all of the information.

5. It’s a bit of a sensational headline. That same day, he threw in his bid to become the Mailman and the Garbage Man, as well.

6. Worked on a show called Rex about a dog who solves crime and, on this particular day, the poor dog was just having a hell of a time hitting his mark and shit. It’s not easy for animals to act, I’m sure. They work long days and they are animals. They don’t know what’s going on, really. It’s not an easy job for them. I was playing the bad guy and everyone was getting tired so I started improvising dialogue like—“Just hit your fucking, mark, man. It’s your fucking show. What’s the matter with you? You call yourself an actor?”—thinking that might entertain the crew and maybe even motivate the dog to make me look stupid by proving me wrong.

Turns out, I looked stupid anyway. The dog trainer approached me after the scene and told me,”I have killed people for doing less than that. You were about one more line away from getting kicked in the nuts.”

The reason people say to avoid working with kids and animals isn’t always because of the kids and the animals themselves—sometimes it’s their parents and their trainers you have to look out for.

7. The Jag Hotel in St. John’s is the coolest rock and roll themed hotel I’ve ever been to. Case in point, these are their door handle signs.

8.If I had been Wayne Gretzky, people would probably remember a lot fewer great game-winning goals he scored and a lot more times he got caught urinating in public.

9. And you just KNOW these same total fucking assholes were drunkenly cheering for their favourite black football players during the Super Bowl.

10. I think I may have invented the darkest airplane game of all time on the way back from Newfoundland last Wednesday. As your plane begins to descend, imagine that the pilot has just announced you are crashing and have about three to five minutes to live. Then, play a couple of preselected songs that have always moved you emotionally or just throw on the most maudlin playlist you have and, then, start a slide show of the photo collection in your phone from beginning to end. I call this game “Attending Your Own Memorial.”

I only suggest you try it because it leaves you with a remarkably positive feeling which I didn’t anticipate.

11. This inspired arrangement of food comes from one of my oldest friends in the world, Nelson Costa.

12. I remember years ago, when Franco first started running Summerworks, and I was way more obnoxious while thinking I was hilarious, I walked by Franco and said, “Way to ruin the festival”, which, of course, he hadn’t. Things were going brilliantly. He didn’t respond at all. Which was odd for him. And it really bothered me that the next time I saw him, he didn’t say hi or acknowledge me. I was really upset thinking that I had actually insulted him when I was actually trying to make him laugh.

It made me so upset that I left him a back door phone message during the night apologizing if I had unintentionally offended him and praising all the work he had done to inject new life into the festival. Franco called me back that day and was laughing saying he had no idea what I was talking about. Hadn’t heard me say anything negative and hadn’t seen me the day I thought he ignored me. He was just busy and distracted because he was running a new festival for the first time.

Sure, he didn’t hear me or see me but he took a moment out of his busy day to reassure me and comfort me in my idiocy. I, like all of us, have had many many interactions with Franco over the years and I suspect pretty much all of them have ended on a very positive note such as the one I just recounted. He is a sensitive, aware, intelligent, and compassionate leader whose efforts have left a lasting positive impression everywhere he has gone. I, and I am sure all of Toronto, will miss you and wish you every success, Franco.

And, I say and mean this from the bottom of my fifty-one-year-old heart: try not to ruin the fuckin’ PuSh festival, okay? It will look bad on all of us if you do. (Wink face emoji like the kids use)

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Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.