TIFF, Martin Doyle, and Telus
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Instant Classic Me
2. So Sarah from the Conservative Party finally texted me. I got back to her. We got together for drinks. One thing led to another…now she’s voting Trudeau. What won’t I do for my fuckin’ country?
You’re welcome again.
3. Graffiti Hero of the Week
4. I have yet to see the Boomerang app used in a clever way. I’m not sure that it’s even possible to do so.
5. I love the story that the piece Waiting For School to End by Nanci Miranda tells. Dolls waiting for school to be finished for the day, and the return of the children who play with them. I love that she captures that delicate sense of suspended animation, the sadness and longing that one can feel when they are waiting for that person or thing that “gives life to them” to return. You know where every minute feels like a day? I also like that the style of dolls and the style of the painting has a distinct vintage feel to it. Nanci has two upcoming shows at Beach United Church, 140 Wineva Avenue (Sep. 20-22) and Gardeners Cottage, 30 Lee Avenue, (Dec. 6-8).
You can see more of Nanci’s work at nancimirandaartist.com
6. Martin Doyle (the Colin Doyle of my generation/ Colin’s Dad) sent me a bunch of great quotes. This is one of them:
“Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.” – Saint Augustine
7. “Walking the Walk” of the Week
Props to Ali Mashayekhi and Mena Massoud for starting this foundation for Ethnically Diverse Artists. Keep your eyes on Ali’s social media pages for updates.
8. Top 5 Canadian TV Porno Parodies:
5. Pimp’s Convenience
4. Jerkin’ Moms
3. Anne with VD
2. Nookie Blue
1. Wet Her, Kenny
9. Back-to-School Post of the Week
10. Hey Telus, if your customer assistance wait-time is currently up to one hour, you should probably hire more people in customer service. I mean, you make, what? A billion dollars a week? Do you think that’s showing customers gratitude by making them wait a fucking hour for assistance?
11. Testimonial of the Week
12. The reason I personally avoid TIFF is that it’s pretty much all just bullshit and noise. It certainly isn’t going to advance my career in any way. I can’t help but laugh when I see actors who post pictures at every single party, but most of the photos aren’t taken by the press or paparazzi. They’re taken by each other’s cell phones. And I’m not saying that they shouldn’t receive or don’t deserve the spotlight. I’m just saying that it’s pretty sad that the only way to get it is to shine it on ourselves.
Because, you know, it’s no secret that the TORONTO International Film Festival doesn’t really go out of their way to promote many Toronto films. I don’t mean the ones that are shot here by foreign directors starring foreign actors. I mean the ones written by, produced by, directed by, and starring US, the Toronto film community, telling OUR OWN stories.
I mean, for fuck sake, give these poor actors something to work with here, would ya, TIFF? The problem is that most of the Canadians that we refer to as “stars” – aren’t really. It’s an industry term for the most part… unless you happen to have been born here but live and work in the states. But isn’t that technically more of “a star who happens to be Canadian” than a “Canadian star?”
To be clear, I’m not shitting on Canadian actors here at all (because we do have a ton of actors with world-class chops). BUT, you can’t call someone “a star” if my mom doesn’t know who they are… or if your mom doesn’t either.
I mean, what the fuck do these actors talk about when they are interviewed by the press or meet someone in a power position at a TIFF event?
“And who are you?”
“I’m an actor.”
“And what film are you in?”
“Oh. I’m not in ANY of this year’s films.”
“So why am I talking to you?”
Beat.
Beat.
Beat.
“Do you like my shoes?”
In the end, that’s what the whole thing is – mostly dressing up as someone who belongs to an industry for a Halloween that lasts ten days. But, in actuality, the industry is only VISITING town. Because, let’s be honest, it sure as fuck doesn’t live here. Toronto actors are being cast in the same roles in life as we are on the screen: background, bit part, and support players meant to fill the space around the “Real Actors.” You know the ones that the general public (OUR public) and the Film Fest organizers actually give a shit about? When the circus pulls out of town, we will go back to the same old scale plus fifty percent/ Tip film/ Actra Co-Op bullshit.
And why? Because our own festival and our own industry perceives and treats us this way. And because we have never demanded anything more. In fact, our willingness and anxiousness to participate in ALL of it would seem to imply that we happily support their decision to do so.
Why should anyone give a shit about what I think? I don’t expect them to. I sincerely hope anyone in attendance enjoys their SWAG, and their selfies, and their parties, and – in the extremely rare cases where they might actually see one – the movies. I don’t believe any of it is gonna help many people’s careers, particularly in any significant way, but it will sure as hell build the fuck out of their Instagram pages, and impress the shit out of everyone else in the office at their temp jobs.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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