Second Jobs, Straight Guys, and Some Stranger’s Urine

Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.

1. Top 5 Horror Movie Porn Titles:

5.The Night of the Giving Head
4.Rosemary’s Boobie
3.The Ex Whore’s Cyst (fetish)
2.Bi-Day the 13th
1.Halloweiner

2.

It’s not funny ’cause it’s true.

3. Sometimes when I’m reading the dumbest fucking things that are being passed off as arguments that there is no climate crisis, I think “How can people actually choose to believe this over science, just because somebody wrote it down and said it was true?”

And then I remember, “Oh, yeah, The Bible” and go back to smoking and watching Netflix.

4.

This wouldn’t even be a story in Canada because there are only, like, twelve actors who don’t have a second job.

5. I was at the Leafs game with Evan Buliung a couple of Saturdays ago, and we were on the Jumbotron behind the dude who hypes the crowd up during commercials and gives out T-shirts, and long story short… NOT EVEN A KISS!!!!

Stupid straight musical theatre guys.

6. Artist of the Week:

I believe I may have featured this painter in the past but I am not sure. His name is Peter Lewis and he happens to be my daughter’s uncle. He is an accomplished painter, situated in St. John’s, NL where he has a gallery in his own name. I post this picture because he does most if not all of his paintings on-site, as he is doing in the above photo at the summit of Gros Morne just FOUR MONTHS AFTER HAVING A HEART TRANSPLANT!!!!!! His work often features vibrant colours and depicts scenescapes that are as very much alive as the artist himself. I don’t think I’ve seen him more than twice in my life when he didn’t have a smile on his face and a positive word on his lips. I strongly encourage you to check out more of his work at peterlewisgallery.com.

This shot was take in Rose Blanche, Newfoundland.

7. Guest Reminder of the Week:

8. Here’s a common exchange I have with people who don’t smoke about smoking:

Them: How much is a pack of those things now?
Me: About 17 bucks.
Them: Why don’t you just smoke the cheap kind?

Here is that same conversation translated for people who don’t smoke so that they can hear what I hear.

Them: How much is that bottle of Châteauneuf-du-Pape?
Me: About 60 bucks.
Them: Why don’t you just drink a bottle of some stranger’s urine?

9. I don’t think Dolemite is the greatest film I have ever seen. Maybe it’s not even the best Eddie Murphy film. But it’s the best performance I have ever seen him give because I didn’t see a character—which, don’t get me wrong, he excels at—but this was the first time I remember ever noting that I saw a person. He has some very brilliant private moments in that film. He has believably varied relationships with the other characters. They aren’t just there to set up his jokes or be duped by his con.

I always tell young actors that you need to have lived to be a great actor (I wasn’t the first). You have to understand life to bring anything to your work that will elevate it beyond serviceable. Acting isn’t imagining. It’s doing. It’s being. Just existing in front of people in a given circumstance. I used to always say that, in a close-up, Sean Penn doesn’t need to do anything but breathe because you just need to look at his face and you immediately understand who he is. You can see Sean Penn’s whole life on his face because he knows how to let you see it. NOT show it to you. But let you see it. I saw some of that in Eddie Murphy this time around. It satisfied me in a way that I’m not even sure I understand. And, if truth be told, I don’t really need to.

10. Classic Me

11. Guest Post of the Week:

12. Maybe we should all just give up and just start SAYING ducking.

 


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Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.