Cheating, Shaving, and Showering

Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.

1. First came self-tapes, where it actually costs actors money to audition. Then, with the pandemic, free online concerts and classes started happening everywhere. Now you need to have your own recording studio at home to do voice work. By the time this is all over, we’re gonna be expected to shoot our own TV shows and movies at home and give them away for free too.

2. Dilemma of the Week:

3. Apocalypse Silver Lining #12:

At least I don’t have to homeschool my kid.

She doesn’t even SCHOOL when she’s at SCHOOL.

4. Reunion of the Week:

5. In keeping with the spirit of those annoying social media games, I will now list, by first and last name, ten actors that you have probably heard of that I know for a fact have cheated on their present partners, with only one of them being a lie.

  1. That Made
  2. A Lotof  You
  3. Really Fucking
  4. Nervous Didn’tit
  5. You Could
  6. Always Have
  7. Claimedto Be
  8. The One
  9. That I. was
  10. Lying A. Bout

6. Fuck Yeah of the Week:

7. Guest Post of the Week:

From Vancouver actor Ryan Robbins. Please take this fucking thing seriously. It is nowhere near over with.

8. I’ve been alone for so long now that my shower called the police and filed a missing person’s report on me.

9. Tweet of the Week:

10. Saw a news report that the Chinese factory that makes most hockey sticks used in the NHL has been shut down to stop the spread of COVID-19. Why the fuck would you report on a factory shut-down that will affect absolutely nobody? That’s like reporting on a condom factory closing down that only made condoms for me during the 90s.

11. #LarryLooks

For my money, the most delightful thing that has emerged from this entire period so far is a series of photos that Pat Thornton and his beautiful wife, Maggie Bologna, have been creating featuring their son, Larry. He has been dressed up as everyone from Napoleon to Dolly Parton. I haven’t featured this in the column because I didn’t want to appear to be attempting to appropriate their genius for my purposes. But after seeing this photo of Larry dressed up like his mom on her wedding day, I just wanted everyone who hasn’t seen any of these photos yet to see all of them and to spread them far and wide in these terrifying times, so that as many people as humanly possible can enjoy the effort and beauty of these shots. I encourage everyone who hasn’t yet to check out the hashtag #LarryLooks. My sincere gratitude to Pat, Maggie, and Larry for the gift of these.

12. At least the Leafs haven’t lost in a while… Hello?… Is this thing on?

 


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Written By

Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.