Dying Wrong, Dying Redundantly, and Dying for a Manicure
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Andrew Scheer has revealed himself, throughout this entire pandemic, to be a truly rare anomaly: a douche that actually makes things smell worse.
2. Mike Pence’s death will be redundant.
3. Mother of the Week:
4. Top 5 Reopening America songs by The Police:
5. Every Little Thing She Does is MAGA
4. Spending (Money that Could Really Help People) on the Moon
3. King of Insane
2. Bring on the Plight
1. Every Death You Make
5. Line of the Week:
6. News that it was National Canadian Film Day last week was overshadowed in the media by reports and updates regarding the COVID-19 Pandemic—as opposed to most years, when it has traditionally been overshadowed by every single other thing in the news that day.
7. Artist of the Week:
Everybody’s favourite blind date, Rebecca Northan. This is her first actual attempt at a painting in recent years. She has done two more, which are also quite good—both Jennifer Wigmore and Ken MacDonald are mentoring her—but I chose this one because I love the story behind it. I’m gonna turn the mic over to Rebecca and let her speak for herself. I share it in the spirit of digging down while we have this time—IF YOU WANT TO—to see what other talents you Nappoholics may have lying dormant in you that you’ve ignored because you’re either intimidated or just haven’t yet felt that spark to light the first step of the path on that journey for you.
Rebecca’s Words:
8. Theatre Story of the Week:
9. Self-Isolation Asshole Test: If you have ever made fun of Theresa Tam’s accent in front of anyone out loud and thought you were funny, you’re probably an asshole. If you’ve done it on more than one occasion, you’re definitely an asshole.
10. Painful Truth of the Week:
11. I really like Hadley Kay’s take on the 10 Days, 10 Photos “Life is Good” game. He did something I have never seen anyone else do, which is post pictures of friends/actors other than himself. I really wish I’d thought of that one. I feel like all I ever do is post pictures of myself as an actor—and if I had to choose ten, they’d be ten pictures that you have likely already seen. This is such a wonderful way of giving something to another actor who you have enjoyed in some project or other along the way and whom you just feel like shouting out. I’m going to try to start (read: follow Hadley’s lead) a branch of the game this week called Hadley’s Game.
12. Guest Post of the Week:
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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