Shit Holes, Buckets of Shit, and Piece of Shit Racist MPs
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Every day my parents watch Tim & Sid, two guys who have a show where they talk about professional sports. My parents watch them EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even though there have been no professional sports FOR THREE FUCKING MONTHS!!!! I want to yell at them to stop wasting their fucking time watching somebody talk about a thing that doesn’t exist but then I remember that I have continued to write a weekly column for a Canadian theatre magazine.
2. Careful What You Wish For of the Week:
3. There is a scene in Spike Lee’s Da Five Bloods where a character starts to dig a hole to take a shit in and finds buried gold. That character’s actions, in that scene, echoed the essence of experiencing that film for me but without any of the finding gold part.
4. Guest Post of the Week:
5. Infographic of the Week:
6. Who would have thought that back in November of 2019, when that crazy fucker at U of T was pouring buckets of his own shit on people, would turn out to be the one of the more positive experiences of this school year for students?
7. Tweet of the Week:
8. I was doing some painting in an office when the designer called me, after I had done everything but the touch ups, and said he changed his mind and wanted a couple of accent walls. “How many?” I asked. “Eight,” was his reply. I immediately went over his head and called the client directly, talking him out of it.
This is the best line from that conversation:
“Those aren’t accents, man. That’s a whole other fucking language.”
9. Amen of the Week:
10. Commandments of the Week:
11. Hero of the Pandemic:
12. Whoever the guy was who first said “May you live in interesting times” …Fuck that guy.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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