Being That Asshole, Actual Milk, and a Cat Named Karen
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Online theatre is to actual theatre what almond milk is to actual milk. Or what Nicolas Cage movies are to actual movies.
2. Classic Me:
3. Top 5 Prince Quarantine Songs
5. Sometimes It Blows in April
4. When Trumps Lie
3. International Traveller
2. Little Red Covid
1. I Could Never Take the Place of Your Mask
4. One Liners of the Week:
5. It kind of blows my mind that I live in a city where a madman drove a van down the street running people over not that long ago—yet people are more than happy to sit at a makeshift patio that has been set up in the middle of a street, where a distracted driver may run over a table without even meaning to. I mean, how fucking bad is the food at home that people feel this is a necessary thing to do?
6. Assessment of the Week:
7. Artist of the Week:
…is Hume Baugh. Another excellent actor I have known for close to thirty years now. We have never known each other well but I have enjoyed his work and thoughts as well as many substantial conversations with Hume over the years. I had no idea he painted but saw him mention painting in a post, so I scrolled through his photos and found this gorgeous piece, Red Chair in Snow.
Once again, maybe this piece speaks to me presently because of the state of isolation I find both myself and that chair in. The footprints in the snow imply a memory of a visitor. Or a reminder, perhaps. So that’s what I see here. A chair that is not particularly suited to the present climate, waiting patiently for the snow to melt and the next season to come forth so that it can get back to doing its thing. Even still, the chair is bright and ready and standing by in case it can be of use or make some momentary meaningful connection with the world around it. I love this fucking chair.
Here are Hume’s words:
See more of Hume’s work by clicking here.
8. Meme of the Week:
9. Travel Safety Tip of the Week:
10. Lately I have really wanted to get a cat just so that I can name it Karen. Because when it eventually runs away or dies, people would probably be a lot less likely to judge me for not giving a shit.
11. Advice of the Week:
12. Here’s the thing. As the industry begins to attempt to open up again, nobody really knows what’s going to happen. It’s a risk. All of it is.
Anyone saying anything different is full of shit.
If you go to work at all, you’re taking a risk. The more people you are exposed to, obviously, the greater your risk of contracting COVID-19. So, yeah, while at work, it will be important to social distance, and wear masks, and bring your own food and water and pens and whatever else you need (hair shit, make up, wardrobe maybe—I don’t fucking know). There won’t be shuttles available as there usually are, for many. Should you carpool as an alternative? No. Not with anybody outside your bubble. You don’t know who they are or where they have been. People will lie. People occasionally do that.
What happens if you book a job in Hamilton and can’t get there? Then you don’t do the job. Is that fair? No. But that’s the way it has to be. Find a way to get there safely that doesn’t put anyone else in potential danger or sit that one out.
Things won’t be anywhere near the way we are used to them being. A lot of it will seem unfair and it will suck. But fucking bitching and complaining about everything constantly isn’t going to change any of it. Don’t go to work if you don’t feel safe. Stay home. But more importantly—and this is the reason that I am writing this—if you do go to work, what you do AFTER WORK on your own time becomes way more important than it is now. It just takes one fucking asshole to go to a bar some night. or a group day at a crowded park or beach, or for someone to sleep with someone they may not know very well from outside their bubble to get a whole film set shut down. Everybody who has been complaining about wearing masks, or not seeing friends, or having their “rights” infringed on, will now be in a position to fuck up everyone’s ability, as well as their own, to make that living we have all not been able to make for most of the year now.
So, I’m gonna actually ask as nicely as I can: pretty please, DON’T BE THAT ASSHOLE who fucks it up for everybody.
Practice all the safety measures at work and practice them even more diligently when you aren’t at work. Every single person in every single department is counting on you to be a part of the team. Dailies MOST ESPECIALLY, in any department—actors, PAs, drivers, BG, stunties, hair, make up, grips, electrics, camera department, and so on. Anyone moving from one set to another over the course of a week or a month, you run a higher risk of infecting enough people to shut multiple sets AND POTENTIALLY SHUT THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY DOWN AGAIN.
I know nobody ever thinks it will be them. But it will be someone. Only you can make sure it isn’t you. And if it is you, good fucking luck trying to ever get hired in this town for a long, long time.
Let’s all do this cautiously and do it right. Or just stay the fuck home if you can’t do that. The choice is yours.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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