KISS, Spermcops, and Bedwetting
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. It’s fun to be rehearsing The Summoned with my God of Carnage castmate, John Bourgeois. Rehearsals and John go together like cocaine and even more cocaine.
2. From now on, whenever someone tries to say something funny but fails miserably, ask them if they were in the movie Sisters.
3. KISS doesn’t even look like they’re trying anymore.
4. Finding summer in Toronto this year has been harder than trying to find a black playwright working at CanStage.
5. When the fuck did sending someone a picture of a thumbs-up sign become a socially acceptable form of communication? Why don’t we just skip to the end at this point, throw our own shit at each other, and be done with it?
6. CBC has green lit the new Shaftesbury series, Spermcops starring David Fox and myself as the last two good and decent sperm, fighting corruption and injustice on their epic journey from scrotum to egg. Watch for Twitter updates and online trailers in June.
7. Does it count as a Freudian slip if I ordered Jungian rings?
8. I was reminded during rehearsal by Richard Rose: If there is a written pause in a play and you are waiting for someone to speak, don’t play that. It isn’t active; you CAN’T play it. You can’t play waiting because it is passive. You can will someone to speak, or dare them to, or challenge them to, or defy them to, or beg them to, or seduce speech from them, or threaten them into speaking. You have to always be active—even without words—that’s what acting means. It comes from your action.
A pause must always be filled with intent.
9. I can’t stand watching movies or scripted television on HDTV. It actually makes everything seem far less real to me. Probably because it isn’t real. None of it is real and everyone knows that, so why should it “look” real, or, worse yet, look like it’s trying to look real? It just takes me out of what I’m watching. I think it works better for reality TV, probably, but who really gives a shit what “works” for reality TV?
10. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, and I peed the bed, like, A LOT.
#BiblicalFirstDrafts
11. I was in the middle of callback for a film called Lead From the Heart starring Billy Baldwin, who I had never met, when the producer’s phone rang. It was Billy. I asked for the phone. I said, “Hey, Billy Baldwin, this is Tony Nappo. Can you believe they’re making me audition for this fucking thing?” I got the part.
Do what you will with this information.
12. If 2016 has taught us anything so far, it’s that we are definitely all gonna die.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
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If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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