The One That Got Away, Rocky Horror, and Paul McCartney
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I think it’s safe to say, at this point in history, that if democracy has taught us anything it is that most people, generally speaking, are pretty fucking stupid.
2. This is a photo of me when I was a student at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York, sent to me by my friend and fellow student Kelly Fanson. I’m maybe 22 years old or so in it. My girlfriend, Kate, looked at it the other day and then this exchange took place.
Kate- Wow. Why couldn’t I have met you then?
Me- Because you were ten.
3. I am terrified that the chickens are gonna one day take over the world and start having ten-cent Italian Arms nights.
4. Once, Ella showed me a picture of a bow and arrow she had drawn and told me she planned to climb up a tree and use it on me. I was just glad she was showing an interest in sports.
5. Justin Trudeau’s official reaction to Trump’s presidency reminds me of one of the greatest song lyrics ever written:
“If Adolf Hitler flew in today,
They’d send a limousine anyway.”
Joe Strummer. The Clash. (White Man) in Hammersmith Palais.
6. It’s funny just how much like fishermen we actors can be, at times, talking about the one that got away, that big job that we “almost” had.
You never really hear a plumber talking about that amazing toilet they “almost” fixed.
7. On a film set, your room is a big deal. It’s the place where you get changed, or go between takes or when they’re shooting scenes that you’re not involved in. It’s a thing that agents negotiate for you in your contract and it’s kind of a status thing. The bigger rooms indicate a certain status on the project. The biggest stars having entire Winnebagos to themselves. The actors with smaller parts get these tiny little closets to hang out in. The irony, of course, is that by the time you get to a point where they give you a big room, you never get to actually spend any fucking time in it.
8. Just saw the new version of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. If I had to find one positive thing to say about it, it would be that Rocky V is no longer the worst Rocky movie ever made.
9. Trump is president. The Cubs won the World Series. Bowie, Prince, and Leonard Cohen are dead. We are one Pauly Shore comeback away from the fucking apocalypse.
10. If you do the exact same things with a smile on your face instead of a scowl, you’ll get away with most of them. Trust me. I know.
11. Regarding my “try everything” post: Someone reminded me of the time I did a short up at the CFC and refused to take a direction from a student director that I didn’t agree with.
The director said, “Just trust me.”
I said, “Based on what? The OTHER fuckin student film you made?”
Ah, to be a cocky young asshole again.
12. Somewhere, at this very moment, Paul McCartney is nervously keeping very close track of EXACTLY how many days are left in 2016.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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