Cannoli Pound Cake, Being the Change, and Kevin O’Leary

Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.

1. Weekend Sports Update:

Women marched and won.

Love marched and won.

Peace marched and won.

And the fucking Leafs blew it in the third again.

2. Mike McPhaden saw a posted recipe for cannoli pound cake and privately messaged me to say he thought this would be a good stripper name for me. Mike McPhaden is one more solid private message away from becoming my new business manager.

3. It was so foggy on Sunday that a Cure concert broke out in my driveway.

4. The best thing about La La Land isn’t the flawless design, clever script, soulful performances, gorgeous music, or technical brilliance. For me, it’s how it captures the sad truth that an artist’s most important relationship will always have to be the one with their work, in order for them to even have a chance at success. And how the film simultaneously celebrates and mourns that truth.

5. BE the change you want to see in the world.

6. When all the women went marching on Saturday, I wonder how many men who are “really into yoga” still went to class. Ya fuckin liars.

7. My dad is almost deaf now and not that audible when he speaks, if he speaks at all. I was with him last week and told him there was a new show on CBC that I thought he would like called Pure. We had a twenty-minute conversation about it before I realized that he thought I had said there was gonna be a new show on TV about Grant Fuhr.

8. Calling Kevin O’Leary the Canadian Donald Trump is like calling Gowan the Canadian Billy Joel. Sure, they both play the piano, but come on, fuck.

9. Colin Munch pointed out that it’s only white people upset that police have been banned from having a Pride float. It’s one of the rare cases where I won’t express an opinion because I don’t see where I have any right to express one.

10. I hate when my kid makes me laugh when I’m giving her shit.

Me- ELLA! How many times have I told you to put your drinks on the table and not balanced on the top of the couch?

Ella (feigning shock)- Oh my God! That almost caused a 9/12.

Me- What’s a 9/12?

Ella- Well, it ain’t exactly 9/11.

11. I saw The Wedding Party at Crow’s Theatre this weekend and it was magnificent. This was the show I had to drop out of a couple of months back, after three years of helping create it. Jason Cadieux stepped in to play the roles I created, including Edna, who is based on my grandmother. Jason hit it right the fuck out of the park. I can say now that Jason also played the part in Hosanna with Damien Atkins for Soulpepper (and killed it, according to all reports), in the production that Schultz had talked about me and Damien doing for years.

Now, you might think that I should probably feel threatened by Jason or some such nonsense, but I don’t work that way. I am always inspired by my competition. I prefer them to be amazing. For years I called Rich Zeppieri my Pacino and he called me his De Niro because we pushed each other to be better. At the end of the day, it’s always got to be about the work. It has to be. If you don’t get the job, so what? As long as you didn’t get it being the best that you could possibly be. And you have the best of your competition to thank for making you better than you would have been without them. I almost always try to get out and see what my “competitors” are doing when they are onstage. You can even hate them a little bit if you need to, but I prefer to just love them. Because I share a love for this craft and a history with them. To whatever individual degree, these guys were there when I began this journey and these same guys will be there until the curtain goes down on me for good.

12. I don’t give an alternative fuck about any of your alternative facts.

Written By

Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.

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