Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. A few years back I worked with this young kid named Mena Massoud on a project called Americanistan. He was, of course, thrilled to be in my presence and followed me around like a lost puppy all day. “Mr. Nappo,” he would say, “Please give me the secrets. Please tell me how to achieve greatness in this industry.” I was as mean and abusive as I try to be with all the newcomers and made him fetch me several lattes. Eventually, when I was satisfied with the amount of sugar and the temperature of my latte that he had spent ten minutes gently blowing on, I said to him, “Leave this fucking country, Meenz, you’d make a hell of an Aladdin.”
So, you’re welcome kid. I’m glad that all worked out for you.
2. Doctor Who is now going to be played by a woman. Which I support entirely and fully. But that certainly doesn’t mean I’m going to start watching the fucking thing.
3. Top 5 Intentionally Shitty Mispronunciations of My Name:
5- Boney Slappo
4- Phoney Fatso
3- Baloney Woppo
2- Tony Pap Smear
1- Todd Bertuzzi
4. Ella really wanted a belly button piercing so I told her to try living with a temporary one for a while and see if she got sick of it. Then, I decided I might want one, too, so…
5. Learn From My Mistakes, Edition #93:
When I first started out in this business I heard that doing a TV pilot paid a lot of money, so I slept with a bunch of guys who were on the show Mayday.
7. Dumb Joke of the Week, Courtesy of Paul Hopkins:
My buddy got me an elephant for my room.
I said, “Thanks.”
He said, “Don’t mention it.”
8. I bought three pairs of shoes online that were supposed to have been cobbled by Daniel Day-Lewis, but they just turned out to be knockoffs made by Evan Buliung. What can’t that guy do?
9. The time I painted Maev Beaty’s coming-baby’s room and she told everyone I charged her an arm and a leg. Clearly this photo proves how prone to exaggerations she can be.
10. Ella told me the last day of grade 7 was “awesome.”
Her- “We were throwing toilet paper all over the place and everyone was throwing all their schoolwork down the stairs.”
Me- Schoolwork? What did YOU throw?
Her (matter of factly)- All the work I didn’t get to yet.
11. The film industry and Toronto lost a true original and a pioneer this week. George A. Romero invented the zombie movie. What I found most compelling about his films when I was introduced to them wasn’t the scary bits—which there were certainly plenty of—but how he used each film to make a comment on society at the same time. Rest in peace, sir.
12. This is for the younger actors. I’m working on a film right now where I often get picked up around 6 or 7 a.m. and get wrapped around 8 or 9 at night. It’s a big film. Huge cast. I spend most of the day looking at Facebook, sleeping, chatting, or eating, and some days I am not even called to set. Lots of overtime. Extra days added all over the place. The days can be boring and frustrating, at times, but this is one of those dream jobs for a Canadian actor—one where you actually get to make some money. Some days you book a guest-starring role on a show and they shoot all your scenes on one day at one location and you get to do some great work but you get paid fuck all. As long as I get a bit of both types of jobs, I am as happy as a pig in shit.
As some veteran once said to me, early on in my career, “They don’t pay you to act. The acting part, almost any actor would do for free. What they pay you for is all the time you spend sitting around waiting to act.” Now I get to be that veteran telling it to you.
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