Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I don’t think Trump’s Boy Scout speech was anywhere near as offensive as the burning-cross marshmallow roast he hosted afterwards.
2. Next time ACTRA asks for membership support at a solidarity march, I propose that, in keeping with their new definition of solidarity, only the first thirty ACTRA members who show up will actually have to stay and march while everyone else gets to go home and still consider themselves as marching.
4. Since it seems to be only my mom and daughter who ever call me, I found it pretty considerate of the nice people from TELUS to call me and ask whether I might be interested in their new Middle Aged Loser Package.
Hurtful, yes. But still considerate.
5. Are you fucking kidding me? This is about as diverse as barbecue at Ted Nugent’s place.
6. Bottom 5 Unfunny Millers Who Are Still Way Funnier Than TJ Miller:
5- The Miller in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tale
4- Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football
3- Nazi War Criminal Heinrich Mueller (a technicality but still counts)
2- Barney Miller’s wife, Elizabeth
1- Miller Lite
7. I thought this was so sweet of the Port Hope Comfort Inn cleaning people to leave this note for me in my room, until I found out that this was, in fact, Frank D’Angelo’s handwriting. I never went near the window and spent the whole night sleeping under the bed.
8. I’m a bit confused as to why everyone is demonizing Angelina Jolie for torturing children. If the kids knew they were auditioning for a film and they were asked to play this “audition game,” which is what actors call an improvisation, what exactly is the crime she committed? How else was she supposed to see if the kids were capable of fulfilling the demands of the film she was making? How is what she did any more cruel than what any kid auditioning for any role with traumatic or harrowing elements attached to it goes through? Was she not giving a kid who has gone through hell in life an opportunity to live out the thing that so many people in this world dream of? A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for a young person who has some heretofore unbeknownst talent to shine in the eyes of the world? Has A.J. not proven her humanitarianism over and over in her work and life, including the adoption of her own children?
I don’t know all the answers to these questions but I do ask them and I do know that all of the people who have built her up into a celebrity goddess seem to be the same ones trying to tear her down and now depict her as some kind of devil or demon. It’s all so fucking stupid. And if you disagree with me, I ask you simply: Were you there? Do you have any actual idea how those children were treated, or is your opinion based on some writers slant on a story geared only to attract attention and sell magazines? In our present world that is absolutely polluted with fake and misleading news, why do you want to believe this? Why do you choose to? Where is the critical thinking here? It just seems like too much of a reach to me, personally. But this is only my own take on it. And, of course, you are absolutely entitled to your own.
9. Some days, those Facebook memories can break your fucking heart.
10. Sure, Trudeau being on the cover of Rolling Stone is kinda cool but it ain’t the cover of High Times. Make that shit happen, JT!!!
11. All Bohemian Rhapsody jokes aside, this is really Ben Stiller, right?
12. I watched A Star Is Born on TV last week because I’d never seen it. It’s a pretty terrible movie about a super talented singer with a heart of gold who falls in love with this train-wreck of an addict loudmouth who does and says whatever he feels like doing or saying whenever he feels like doing or saying it.
I was considering suing the filmmakers until I found out I was only eight when it was made and my girlfriend, Kate, wasn’t even born yet.
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