The Anti-Niqab Law, Kegel Exercises, and Character Breakdowns

Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.

1. Quebec politicians finally figured out a way around not being able to separate from Canada: just stop treating their citizens like Canadians would treat them. #fuckyourban

2. Here is an example of why I am always challenging ACTRA. According to them, 2016 was 19.94 years long.

3. Tarantino admitted last week that the reason he hadn’t come forward yet regarding Harvey Weinstein and his alleged crimes was a potential conflict of interest since those two Kill Bill movies he made were, essentially, him making people watch him masturbate, as well.

4. Riddle of the week:

5. I put myself on a Kegel exercise regime for the last month to tighten shit up down there. It hasn’t helped me with my aging private parts at all but I won three hundred bucks this weekend arm wrestling truckers using only my hemorrhoids.


7. I was streaming that Joan Crawford vs. Bette Davis movie for an hour last night before I realized it was actually The Rock and Tyrese Gibson bitching each other out on YouTube.

8. Classic Ella.

9. I booked a nice little recurring gig on a show as a judge. The character breakdown for the part specifically said NOT WHITE, which proves one of the two points I have been making over and over: either a) don’t pay attention to the physical description in character breakdowns because you never know, or b) I’m not white. I’m Italian.

10. And… the Holy Fuck! How Many People Need to Explain to You How Offensive This Is before You Take It Down? Award goes to….

11. Top 5 Nicknames to Call Bad Italian Actors Behind Their Backs

5- Robert DeZero

4- Marcello Mastrobatory

3- Sophia Bore-En

2- John Turdturro

1- And, of course, Joe Piscopo

12. Well played, Ella. Well played.

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Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.