Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Deleted Bible Scenes #37: Jesus – The Teen Years
Mary- Jesus Christ! Go to your room!
Joseph- And no turning water into wine for a month!!
Jesus- I don’t have to listen to you!!!! You’re not my real father!!!!!!
2. In reference to the objectors to a recent Facebook post I made disparaging The Godfather: Part III, I wholly admit that there are certainly elements of the film that worked quite well but there were also elements of my dad’s old Gremlin that worked. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a shit car.
3. I had five callbacks to be this guy but refused to wax my entire body.
4. Argos win the Grey Cup. Toronto FC win the MLS Cup. I am telling you, we are THIS CLOSE to winning a cup that someone who hasn’t won one has heard of!!!!!!!!!!!
5. Things Not to Say at a Job Interview, Installment #73
Interviewer- There will be random drug testing.*
*generally, this means that you will be the testED, not the testER.
6. Guest Post of the Week
7. Top 5 Republican Christmas Songs
5- I’m Dreaming of a White Planet
4- Silent Right, Holy Right
3- It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Prison
2- So Dumb, All Ye Faithful
1- All I Want for Christmas (Is to Pass ONE FUCKING BILL)
8. Watching my Facebook Year in Review and it occurs to me how much Facebook is a lot like group therapy. If you only bring up the good stuff, your life can appear to be pretty amazing. On top of which, the majority of the group doesn’t REALLY give a shit how you’re doing, anyway. They’re mostly just waiting for their turn to speak.
10. Stating the obvious here but I believe, at this point, that the entire fucking planet owes Kathy Griffin an apology.
11. You gotta love the Christmas sentiment but, sneaking up on fifty, I gotta say I wouldn’t wish being over two thousand years old on my worst enemy.
12. This is the last Nappoholics for 2017. Thanks again to all of you for your support—your likes and shares and all that comments really do mean a lot to me. And thanks to May Antaki for editing the column for me and to Intermission for continuing to run the fucker.
I don’t go to Christmas parties so I won’t be seeing you around in the next couple weeks. I don’t really go to any parties, anymore. Wrap parties included. I just don’t like them. I don’t like small talk. I don’t like crowds. I don’t feel comfortable and always feel a compulsion to drink or alter my mind state in some way until I can get to a state of feeling comfortable, and I don’t actually want to do that so I just skip them and leave them for the many people who actually enjoy them.
I usually just mostly feel down over the Christmas break. My daughter goes away every year and I miss her terribly. The industry basically puts itself on hold so there aren’t any professional distractions. (Although, this year, we will start rehearsing for the Mustard remount at Tarragon on the 26, so that will help.) On top of all that, it seems to be cold and dark about twenty-three hours out of every day.
It’s become a tradition, through most of my adult life, to pretty much dread this time of year. I just thought I would share this because I know other people feel a pressure to be happy and joyous and all that other shit that they aren’t feeling either. And I think not feeling any of those things is allowed to be okay. If you share my feelings, hopefully, this will take a bit of the pressure off of you. And I don’t mean it in a humbug or a “misery loves company” kind of way. We don’t have to be miserable. That’s one thing I am slowly learning. It’s a good time to just be alone with yourself and do some of the things you couldn’t find the time to get to last year or that you probably won’t find the time to get to next year. You don’t have to buy in to all the stuff that other people might want you to do. At the same time, you also don’t need to resent people for doing the things that legitimately bring them joy, either. It’s everyone’s fucking holiday. And everyone can do whatever the hell they want with it.
So do your best not to shit in anyone else’s eggnog over the next few weeks but remember to also give yourself permission not to sacrifice your own happiness for someone else’s. Life is too fucking short not to be happy when you have some time off.
I wish each one of you a safe and happy holiday. Have a good one and I’ll see ya next year.
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