Doug Ford, Joanie Loves Liberace, and Toronto Theatre’s Other Best-Kept Secret
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. At this point, if you are surprised at all that Doug Ford may be the next leader of the Ontario PC Party and, after that, you’re shocked or outraged that he becomes Ontario’s Premier, you should probably really consider having your head surgically removed from the inside of your asshole. We have been having the same conversation every fucking day now for over five years.
2. I mean, sure, the man can act but…
3. Shawn Doyle just signed on to play the lead in HBO’s newest offering, Joanie Loves Liberace. Shawn will play the legendary pianist in his late teens during the period when he was dating a young Joan Plowright.
4. We had to stop Mustard on Wednesday night because someone passed out and needed an ambulance. Some of the cast members had never been in a production that had to stop mid-show and restart again. I told them, “When we did Butcher and we had a performance that wasn’t stopped for an ambulance, we knew we’d done a shitty show that night.”
5.
6. I had the great honour of workshopping Hannah Moscovitch’s stage adaptation of Ann Marie MacDonald’s Fall on Your Knees this past weekend. My good friend Billy Maclellan posted a very funny public post about how it was a Cape Breton story and how he was a slightly more Cape Breton actor than I was, and he wasn’t sure how they missed calling him… Which reminded me of the time when I was thirty-five and I played Stanley in Streetcar, and how I had to cross that angry line of picketing Polish actors every time I went to work. This will probably end up a lot like that.
7. Checkmate of the Week
8. Discussing maybe moving out of my one bedroom place with my thirteen-year-old daughter, Ella, into a two bedroom because she is getting older now and it may just be time.
Ella- But I love this apartment. When I turn eighteen I want to take it over and live here on my own.
Me- And where am I supposed to live?
Ella- I don’t care. I can put you in an old folks’ home.
Me- IN FIVE YEARS???!!!
9. Jewish Guilt in Advertising
10. Fuck Yeah! of the Week
Anthony Leo and Nora Twomey’s The Breadwinner nominated for an Academy Award for Best Animated Feature.
11. Whenever Facebook reminds me that I have whatever number of events coming up this week with so and so, I never have a fucking clue what it is talking about.
I think Facebook is pimping me out.
12. I’d like to draw your attention, for just a moment, to the OTHER best-kept secret in Toronto theatre. Anand Rajaram’s freakishly long eyebrow hair. It really needs to be stopped.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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