Super Bowl Halftime Show, the Canadian Anthem, and Nappo Slippers
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I think the reason most Canadians found the Super Bowl halftime show boring is because we are used to watching a pretty boy named Justin dancing around shit every day.
2. The subway cars were packed so tightly last Wednesday that one former Toronto artistic director accidentally groped HIMSELF.
3. Finally saw The Shape of Water and it’s true what everyone has been saying. Guillermo del Toro finds a way to really make you love one of the most repulsive movie monsters in cinematic history.
4. Last week my Uber driver did an okay job filming my self-tape while he was driving but he kept screwing up all my cue lines so I only gave him three stars. What a fucking hack.
5. My favourite exchange from last week’s Fall on Your Knees workshop.
Me- People know me for my nuance.
Ann-Marie MacDonald- People know me for my olduance.
6. Treasure of the Week
A three-year-old Kirsten Johnson. The amazingly gifted artist and actor poses in front of one of her earliest works.
7. Choosing to get your climate information from Don Cherry makes as much sense as choosing to get dating advice from Harvey Weinstein.
8. Donald Trump’s Top 5 Favourite Elvis Costello Songs
5- Firing the Detectives
4- Everyday I Falsely Discredit the Writer of a Book
3- A Good Year for the Taxes
2- I Taunt You
1- JoeBiden (… I know this world is killing you)
9. Fuck Yeah! of the Week
Congrats to a trailblazer, a brilliant writer and performer, and a friend on being named to the Order of Ontario. Inspiring.
10. I personally couldn’t care less what lyrics they change in the Canadian anthem. I’d be fine if they just switched out the whole thing for the Log Driver’s Waltz. If it makes someone else feel better to change it, then change it. It’s a fucking song. We still live in a relatively amazing country. Let’s try to focus on the handful of actual problems this country does have.
11. Relationship Tip # 3
The key to a successful relationship is compromise. For example, just this last Sunday, I was picking up Kate’s dog’s poo, in the park, and Kate said,” Please don’t pretend to eat it this time or I might actually throw up.”
So I didn’t. Not that time, anyway. Cause I’m a pretty amazing partner like that.
12. Thanks to Karen Robinson for sending me this shot. Always remember to check your Nappo Monkey Cat Disposable Slippers for correct spelling, folks. I can’t stress how important this is. If there is only one “p” in Nappo, there is no guarantee that the slippers were made from actual cats or monkeys.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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