Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. Great! Maybe now somebody will finally be interested in buying my script about kidnapping Gabe Kaplan and having lots of bathtub sex with him. Out of the drawer you come The Shape of Kotter.
2. In related news, the Leafs say the fans have failed consistently at scoring on the power play this year and the TTC says that their passengers can’t drive buses for shit.
3. Had seafood paella in a food court on the Path this week. It was pretty good, actually, but I find it really hard to justify paying sixteen bucks for any meal that’s served in a paper basket with a plastic fucking fork. Nineteen bucks with the can of iced tea.
4. Classic Kate
5. A New Feature This Week: You Are Probably in Your Fifties When…
5- Daddy’s Home 2 made you cry more than twice.
4- You have an exercise bike in your living room that you actually use.
3- You include an item in your weekly column where you bitch about the price of lunch in a food court.
2- You have a big check at the agency that you intentionally don’t pick up over the weekend so you can’t spend any of it.
1- You’re dying for an excuse to watch Daddy’s Home 2 again.
6. SHIT!!!! When I secretly cursed Stuart Hughes for winning the ACTRA Award, I didn’t mean to turn the WHOLE FAMILY to stone! I sure hope little Shiloh is okay.
7. Ella, my thirteen-year-old daughter, and I have reached that horrible stage now where everything I do or say is lame. I had her all weekend and this was the only laugh I got-
Ella- Dad, sit up!!! You can’t fall asleep yet!!! It’s not even midnight!!
Me- But I’m tired. I want to go to sleep.
Ella- Splash some water on your face!! Do some cocaine but NO falling asleep allowed!!!
Me- And WHO exactly is gonna PAY for the water?
8. I was probably way more proud of this than I should have been.
9. One of the most adorable moments at the ACTRA Awards came when thirteen-year-old Saara Chaudry won Best Voice Performance for her role in Academy Award–nominated short The Breadwinner. She said “I’m not sure what to say… Nothing like this has ever happened to me before…”
You’re thirteen!!!! When would it have happened before??!! It’s never happened to me either, Saara, but I’m fucking fifty!!!!!
Well done, kid.
11. Q- What do you call a Canadian actor who demands an inclusion rider?
A- The way they didn’t end up going.
12. “The Impact of a Book” by Jorge Méndez Blake.
Eleanor Antoncic gets credit for the find and photo.