Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. The Right would have you believe that the student walkout last week was completely staged—that ALL THOSE THOUSANDS of American TEENS marching were just doing what they were told by the Left.
Yet I can’t even get one single thirteen-year-old girl to make her bed in the morning.
And I’m fucking scary.
2. Classic Me
3. When vegans start breaking my balls saying that human beings aren’t meant to eat meat, I just ask them why we are able to digest it, then. Try throwing some bits of rock, plastic, or glass into your next tofu stir-fry. Now THAT is shit we aren’t meant to eat.
You do you, herbivores, and I’ll do me.
4. Guest Post of the Week
5. I just found out on Saturday that St. Patrick wasn’t even Irish. He was from Roman Britain. I can’t help but feel as though I have been knowingly coerced into contributing many many gallons of green vomit to the cause, over the years, under completely false pretences.
7. Ella- No way Obama is older than you, Dad. Look at him!!
Me- What?!?! Look it up. He’s totally older than me!!!
My mom- Shut up and listen to your daughter, Tony. You’re older than everyone. Everyone. Except me. But I’m your parent so that’s allowed.
8. The main ingredient is inevitable regrets.
9. To vote Ford into office just to get Wynne out makes about as much sense as starting to smoke crack to quit smoking cigarettes. Both MAY be bad for you but one is certainly way the fuck worse.
10. Took Ella indoor sky diving over the March break.
Kate- You guys look like you work at NASA.
Me- Yeah. I look like I’m the janitor at NASA.
11. People lost their shit at Wonder Woman’s Gal Gadot for saying Stephen Hawking was “free of his physical restraints” after he died, accusing her of being ableist. While I at least understood the objection to the Hawking illustration by the Australian artist (look it up for yourself, I won’t print a picture of it here), to object to a statement of simple fact is insane.
No matter what happens to us after death, I think even the dumbest motherfuckers on Earth have to agree that we won’t be living in our bodies anymore.
12. Every time this artist’s work crosses my newsfeed, I get lost in it for a while. It’s called “The Glow Beyond #6” and is by Toronto artist Josh Druckman.