The NDP’s Dental Plan, CPR Classes, and Theatre Centre Reminders
Nappoholics Anonymous is a weekly column featuring twelve random thoughts by actor Tony Nappo. Some are funny, some are poignant, some bother him, and some make him weep from sadness while others make him weep for joy. Here are his thoughts: unfiltered, uncensored, and only occasionally unsafe for work.
1. I am strongly considering registering as an official member of the New Dental Plan party.
2. I wasn’t positive so I Googled it and, sure enough, CPR only works on NOT DEAD people.
3. Before I do anything, I always ask myself, “How would Tony Nappo handle this?” And then I try really hard to not do whatever that is.
I highly recommend this practice to all.
4. Guest Post of the Week
5. My driver last week, Johnny Osmokrovic, was telling me the story of the time he met Pacino while he was working security for Justin Timberlake. Pacino told Timberlake that acting was “about taking masks off, not putting them on.”
This is, pretty much, everything.
6.
7. In honour of the upcoming marijuana legalization, the Top 5 Pothead Sylvester Stallone movies
5- First Bud
4- Weed
3- Rhinestoned
2- Spliffhanger
1- Stop! Or My Bong Won’t Toot
8. Kate, once again, proving how hilarious her generation is.
9. When Doug Ford heard that the NDP was offering free dental, he was so excited for Ontario that he immediately switched parties. When he subsequently found out that he had heard it incorrectly and that there was, in fact, no free fentanyl, he immediately switched back.
10. So what’s your toilet paper made out of, Theatre Centre, the fucking ocean?
11. The only way I would watch that Cobra Kai, Karate Kid thing is if Ralph Macchio kicks the shit out of Scott Baio in it… or if Alf is one of the coaches.
12. Most Logical Excuse of the Week
Me- Why did you give your drama teacher the finger?
Unnamed thirteen-year-old- Well, he HAD turned around and was facing the other way.
Tony Nappo
Tony is Italian, he’s from Scarborough, he’s an actor, he’s a father, he’s a really good house painter, and he doesn’t believe that most things matter, ultimately, at all.
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Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
Paintings, Pornos, and Broken Countries
Every single fucking time there is a mass shooting, we all give the speeches, and we all share the memes (to each other, who are all mostly already in agreement), but nothing changes.
Gottfried, Strays, and Easter Eggs
Dogs rarely have a hidden agenda when they meet people or other dogs: they're either wagging that shit or they aren’t.
Slapping People, ACTRA Meetings, and Dog Shit
At one point, I was sleeping with so many actresses that they used to just hold ACTRA meetings in my bedroom.
Birthdays, Cranes, and Judd Apatow
If the Freedom Convoy has answered one question for every Canadian, I think it's this: whatever happened to that dumb kid in my class?
Scorsese, Dentists, and Dying Alone
If waving a Fuck Trudeau flag is a legit way to get a meeting with him, I’m gonna start waving my Fuck Scorsese flag wherever I go and keep my fingers crossed.
Truckers, Porndle, and Bad Boys
In these newly woke times in the entertainment industry, it’s slightly amazing to me that nobody has protested the fact that Denzel Washington isn’t actually Scottish yet.
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